yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
