goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
