If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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