Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
