So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She told me I should be a condom model.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
