is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
