My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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