three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Shame is for Republicans.
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