She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
