You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
