If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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