So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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