Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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