You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
