so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tell her she can't have a vagina
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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