So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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