I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
