Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
