Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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