can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
