I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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