I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
