She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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