The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
