He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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