Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
