I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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