I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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