Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
