we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
