last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
