im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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