Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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