The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
