I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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