She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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