it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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