***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the condom got lost in my hair
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
