My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
