Christians are straight up FREAKS
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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