I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
