no, he came in my armpit
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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