Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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