This is not my ceiling
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
