We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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