Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
