so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
