hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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