Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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