I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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