It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
